By Rose Martin

In October I had the great privilege of facilitating the Lesbian Spaces session at FiLiA 2021.The women there completely blew me away.

I was lucky to grow up with a feminist mum who had lesbian friends, but my school (like most) was rife with homophobia, and Section 28 was in place so there was no provision for LGB young people. Some of the girls played around with snogging one another as a way to perform for boys, and I joined in with that...quite a lot. I knew that it was different for me than it was for them, and I wished the boys would leave us alone, but the only frame of reference I had for lesbians were my mum’s grey-haired mates. Being a lesbian just wasn’t a thing young people did. The word was completely out of fashion and I hated it. I was surrounded by misogynistic messages about older women that told me they were not cool. So lesbianism couldn’t be for me.

So for a decade I ended up ‘queer’, with all its accompanying assaults on lesbian boundaries, dignity and desire. Luckily for me, in my mid twenties I found myself in Brighton and fell in with a group of women 10-15 years older than me. Women who were, it turned out, lesbians. These women were close enough in age to me that I could fit in, but old enough that they had escaped being pickled in homophobic queer-ism. They scooped me up, took me in as one of their own, and gave me a place where I could finally breathe out and just be. Be A Lesbian. I have never looked back.

Lesbianism is everything queer isn’t. It is embodied and mutual and boundaried. It is the ultimate boundary assertion in a patriarchal society, and for that reason it is under incessant attack. But it’s not only a boundary. Mutual desire between women is its own powerful force. It is not defined by the non-presence of penises. Lesbians are not just rejecting men – we are loving women. I would not have learned this without the presence in my life of bold, brilliant, brave lesbians.

We all need lesbian spaces, but young women need them so badly. They need that feeling of belonging, of being with one’s own, of finally letting your guard down. To find themselves not in terms of the walls they need to put up against the world but as positive, bold, open presence. The feeling that we got in Portsmouth when 80 lesbians filled the room and the walls buzzed with the energy of our togetherness.

We spent our precious 90 minutes sharing ideas about our dream lesbian spaces. We thought about who would be there, what we’d do, and what we would get out of it. We discussed how to create lesbian spaces that are explicitly feminist. Here is some of what we came up with:

If we could have any kind of lesbian space, what would it be like?

Music, coffee, books, physical activity, dancefloor, sofas, alcohol, alcohol-free space, disco, education, political discussion, games, walks, connection, support, a place to argue, parties, archives, accessible, creative, childcare, haircuts, health services, sex education, quiet space, trauma-informed counselling, food, workshops, campsite, sports, swimming pool, spa, unemployment club, beautiful natural surroundings, cinema, library, veg garden, aquarium, weekends away, lesbian university, multigenerational, confidential, not cliquey, welcoming, permanent, reliable, regular, place to chat, library, cosy, comfy chairs, accommodation to stay in, a place to not be the only lesbian, no men, lesbian only

What do we want lesbian spaces to do for us?

Sense of belonging. Nurture us. Somewhere to escape to. Mobilise. Connection. Safety. A place to relax. Somewhere to meet women for lesbianing! Practical support. Role models. Somewhere to be ourselves. An opportunity to make critical friends. A place to feel empowered. Political discussion. Dating  A place to help us take our space and be visible. Somewhere to share diverse experiences. Escape heteronormativity. Boundaries. Support.  A place where we can learn. Employment for lesbians. No censorship. Solidarity. A way to protect our history. A place to be creative. Acceptance. Create wonderful memories. Somewhere to meet partners. Celebration of lesbians. Connect across generations. Boost our confidence. Share resources. Somewhere to expand our sense of who we are in the world. Somewhere to learn how to be a lesbian. A grope-free space. Cultural reference points – a place to learn from other lesbians and develop lesbian culture. A place to speak freely.

What makes lesbian spaces feminist?

The women

No men

No BDSM

No porn

No promotion of gender ideology

Consciousness

Political

Sisterhood

Respect for memory-bearing women

Global sisterhood

Power analysis

Knowledge and education

Revolutionary fervour

A place for disagreement

Lesbian only

Plotting the revolution

Unity for and with women

Acceptance of self and others

Take off your overcoat. Breathe.